There is LOVE – safety, caring, support, we play our roles as a parent, worker, friend.
We work on acceptance, on protection and are invested in our futures with houses, children and the comfort of being together.
And yet we are bored, uninspired, we are flat mates.
What happened to the liaisons in the car park, the hotel bar, the powerful addiction of wanting skin against skin, hungry for more, the flash of intoxicating chemicals gushing through our bodies at just the thought?
Sex became a chore.
We hide in bathrooms all over the planet taking longer and longer to brush our teeth.
Why don’t we feel like it anymore?
It’s a global fact, people have affairs, get addictions, hide at work, at the pub, in the shopping mall, online, this list goes on.
Don’t worry too much, it’s not totally our fault.
We can partly blame it on biology.
Apparently, when we first get together with somebody we’re producing PEA (phenylethylamine) — the chemical responsible for lust, fluttery stomachs and the fact we can’t keep our hands off each other, this sadly wears off after 18 months or two years, it’s an evolution thing, we should have mated and produced a baby by then.
After that a different chemical is produced, Oxytocin, a bonding chemical, sadly not a lust chemical any more.
So if we are lucky we have a close bond, a love, a partnership, and after 10 or 20 years this can feel like we are living with our best friend, flat mate or maybe that we are stuck with someone we no longer want to be with.
Our now too familiar naked bodies that once were on fire with passion.
We have love, but is it like brotherly love?
Love is not all we need, The Beetles were wrong.
We need the hunger, the urgency, the forbidden, the naughty, the mystery, we need DESIRE.
It may have taken off somewhere between the kids, the mortgage payments or the monotonous pile of laundry?
We simply forgot about it or thought it had curled up and died under a rock.
Ask yourself when you are most drawn to your partner, is it when they are needy, predictable, always there?
OR is it when they have gone away, when they surprise you, when they are sparkling in their own skin, being confident and radiant?
Then, take a close look at yourself.
We know we like to feel loved, but we know we love to feel desired.
Desire gives us motivation, makes us take action, helps us achieve the impossible.
What can you change to create a little excitement, mystery, hunger, passion?
I challenge you to create a little mystery, to get out of your routine, to spice up your life and turn up the volume on your desire setting.
Can you remember where the button is?
You haven’t ‘lost it,’ you just forgot you ever had it 🙂
For anyone thinking of having an affair, or of leaving their partner, beware.
Many times the fantasy is better than the fact.
The idea of someone or something better is often just that, an idea, in your head, you create it, you see it because you want to believe it.
Many new, exciting relationships are fueled by secrets, the unknown, alcohol and newness.
So before you step away from your real life, step into it!
Give yourself a big talking too, make some huge changes and remember, there must have been a lot of love/passion in the first place, go and add some fuel to the fire.
Now I am afraid to say I know how it feels to have an affair, I know that flash, that sudden energy, the intense flavor, the burning desire.
The motivation to suddenly groom yourself, to drop weight, to do things you thought you would never dare do.
On one level it feels amazing, you haven’t lost ‘it’.
But I know the devastating effect also, the pain, the impact on those around you.
Don’t do it, it is not real and will cause incredible suffering.
Don’t lie to yourself that your kids are fine, that they are coping, deep down they are broken, I haven’t met many kids who wanted their parents to split up, have you?
So give to yourself first, become desirable, learn to look at yourself and give to yourself.
Have an affair first with YOURSELF and then with your partner…
You take charge, you step up, you create a desire and passion for yourself.
It is not your partners job to make you feel desirable, it is yours.
How to have an affair with yourself?
Hmmm I will talk to you about that later 🙂