As I grow as a person and as I learn, re learn and examine it seems I feel a sickening, churning vile energy in my body when I am dealing or interacting with a difficult person.
It’s like a poison starts to spread, I can feel it, I know it sounds la la crazy pants, but it does.
If you get this too or just want to hear me out you may want to read on.
There are all kinds of ‘ difficult ‘ people,
We have them in our lives and we are them.
My immediate response to the controlling person is to oppose or to defend, I feel attacked, pushed even bullied.
I am a competitive, Aries, with a soft spot for rescuing the wounded, so a hot pot of reactions on the ready.
What do you do when you have a difficult person in your life, a boss, child, friend, partner, parent?
Here’s a few ideas that I am putting into practice, remembering it is our natural response to feel hurt, anger, defensive and upset, when we are in the firing line, it is hard wired.
You will go into a version of fight, flight or freeze, take notice which state you default to and learn how to pause and choose a healthier response.
This takes practice, the other day I visited all three, it was ugly and left me feeling frazzled. I fought back, I froze, I flew off, not good.
I had a bad attitude story in my head before the conversation had started, here comes some bull excuses, but true ones. I was tired, drained, dull and rather busy? Do they count?
So… I did not respond well to a request that would only add to the above states/excuses.
This spat in my face like a hot frying pan of lazy garlic, if you havent had this experience, try heating up a large pan with a few spoons of lazy garlic, then waiting til it spits lava like garlic into your face. (Just saying)
Lesson here, step back from the initial request ( The frying pan) if only for a moment, breathe in and smile, remind yourself that you could start a mini war or you could be pleasant!
My dominant types of difficult people.
They won’t back down, they don’t care about facts, being right is king!
Pause and don’t oppose, don’t bat back, drop the ball as it comes your way.
You can pick it up later and lob it back silently, smiling as you say ‘It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice’
Understand that the need to control only appears through fear, through lack of self acceptance and a need for certainty.
Self promoting, lime light hogging big mouths.
This type can be irritating, but remember if you ignore them they will shut up, eventually.
If they are that irritating, stay away.
Or love them just as they are, they need to be heard maybe no one has every really listened? Perhaps they have been deeply let down and hurt. Give them a hug and a smile.
Poor me, negative complainers.
Suck in their hard luck story.
You can either offer to help them in a helpful way and no I don’t mean by saying. ‘oh dear, you poor thing’ I mean by saying you will help them, you have ideas if they want to listen? By being strong and not allowing their pity party to continue. This is difficult and ‘poor me’ can be such a drain, they forget we all have issues, problems and difficult situations, they are self focused. Don’t buy a ticket to their party, front up and show them you believe they can change.
Insecure worry worts.
Clinging to worry, over thinking, over asking for approval, rarely at ease.
If you are perceived as strong you will attract this kind of person, they just want love and care, they seek acceptance and would love you to sort everything out.
It will drain you, it is not a healthy balanced picture, no good for you or the other in a long term.
Honesty is key here, if you value this person let them know that.
Don’t default to rescue, life saver mode.
Stand close but lean back, give them your support but show them they can.
At the end of the day, we each have a difficult sides we are sentient beings wanting, love, happiness and to be needed.
Be kind to yourself first, you will be less reactive, pick your battles, work on letting the ball drop more and go do something with someone who makes you smile.
I would love to hear your stories of dealing with difficult people, moods or yourself when you are in any of these states.
Laugh at yourself more and don’t take difficult people on so much.
When you are the difficult party, have a word with yourself and pull your head in, live and learn, live and laugh, live and love.