It’s a weird thing to admit to you that I have realized I have lived with a fear of being ‘too successful.’ Here’s what I think that means.
I had worked on my money story last year and that did shift my thinking into a healthier relationship with money, creating income and valuing myself, but still something was missing.
Was I lazy?
Was I getting myself into a black hole?
Am I being silly thinking I could make a difference to the world?
Should I get a ‘Proper job’
Am I even capable of more?
I have plans, ideas, dreams, goals, ambitions, but a small voice that can be very loud yells. ‘ Who do you think you are?’ ‘ What will people think?’ ‘ People may not like you’ and so on…
Who are these people??
I knew when we built this beautiful home that a part of me felt shades of shame and embarrassment.
I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, even though it was a huge deal, a huge event, a result of much hard work, stress and leaving us with a sizable mortgage.
I heard myself talk about the huge mortgage, the pain and suffering of building, I played it down, I was scared to look like I thought I was anything special.
It took me forever to wear my stunning diamond ring that my husband gave me on my 40th birthday, to recognizing my limited, self sabotaging thinking.
I look back and notice my stories of achieving to a great level and then walking away, from my competitive swimming career to my careers and my marriage.
I had limited my success, I have sabotaged my expansion into limitless potential repeatedly.
Why would anyone do this?
I am working on this at the moment, but for now ask yourself if you fear success?
Do you put limits on what you are willing to do to get yourself a magnificent life?
I feel some of my limits come from dealing with failure, it feels easier than success, as in, ( I know here we go again) People will like me more if I am less successful, if I suffer too, if I join in with the, ‘life is a bitch’ party. We bond over suffering.
What will PEOPLE think of me? They will judge me! ( And they will)
I may be disliked, misunderstood and not appreciated or even loved if I have ‘ Too much”
If I become ‘ Too big for my own boots” (All possible)
What will THEY (A bit like people) think or say if I become bigger, if I am living my legend?
I realize, my story is all about being liked, about fitting in and connecting with others. However, I have known forever that I don’t fit in to the norm, I have a Rebel self, I want to create changes that make our world a better place.
I need to honor this.
I embrace not fitting in, well I say embrace, I tip toe around still, I am working on expanding my personal idea of success, of contribution.
Look at yourself and ask if you are afraid to live larger, to be more and to make it happen.
Here’s a great quote that sums it up for me, I face and I rise to the challenge as I no longer accept my own limitations.
Yes, I am scared, yes I am afraid of what people will think, but I am more afraid of living a half life, of wasting my precious life and of not being of massive service.
What limits do you give yourself?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”