Friday night I went out for a drink with friends.
Having not seen my other half for a week, he arrived half way thru the evening, bleary eyed after a long week away.
I was in the middle of a sea of deep conversations, I was absorbed in the lives of others.
The evening was not fantastic and we went home hardly talking.
Off to bed, cold shoulders bad vibes, both miserable and frustrated.
The next morning I knew I had choices if I wanted a blissful weekend.
I asked my hubby to forget the evening and move on, not wanting to get into it, my work is getting in to “IT” I wanted less talk more hugs.
This was not a good choice, hubby did not like that idea and I felt pathetic even saying it.
I realized that I had been childish, I had given away my attention, I had cared more about everyone else. I was in child mode and needed to apologise, I had chosen to only see his behavior and I had blamed him.
It felt crappy at first seeing my own behaviors but then it felt great, I needed to see myself.
I work daily with other peoples relationships, I see many relationship problems resolve when each individual works on and accepts accountability for their actions, I had somehow forgotten to do the same thing, like a smoking doctor!
Someone must step up and be the bigger person to close the simmering, toxic gap.
See your role in this play.
Heal the relationship.
Swallow your pride and be that person.
Think about what the future holds if you do not mend this.
Think of the unnecessary stress you put on yourself or others.
Your life is not about what has been done to you, it’s about what you made of it, how you responded.
Your happiness is a mirror of what you think, say and do.
Deliberately notice where you are, look in the mirror.
Take charge yourself.
What are you creating over and over?
Do you want to be loved? Then you love, be lovable.
Do you want to be trusted? Then you trust, be trustworthy, be trusting.
If you want to be heard, stop telling, stop and listen instead.
Since I looked in the mirror yesterday, and looked at the ugly truth of myself our weekend was transformed into fabulousness.
I think my own life is a continual lesson to remind me to practice what I preach, to pause and to re learn.
We never seem to learn the lesson for good, it wears off.
We get derailed from time to time to give us time to look, time to see, time to adjust and grow.
Relationships are complicated because we do not see ourselves clearly and then our view of the other person becomes blocked and distorted, just like our thinking
What are you creating in your relationships?