– I saw this note today and it struck a chord with me on many levels.
It is one note I would be devastated to receive from my boys, how about you?
Whatever your children decide to do, become, or believe as a Mother or father for that matter I feel certain it is our biggest gift to give them our unconditional love and approval.
Of course I am speaking broadly and not condoning murder, or anything hideously illegal.
In my work I see an underlying need for approval, acceptance and connection mostly in us adults, I see us failing to show ourselves love, giving ourselves away to receive the love we need.
Maybe our parents, teachers, elders wanted something else for us, maybe they wanted us to be what they had imagined for themselves?
Maybe they too needed love as a child that wasn’t fully given?
I see young adults who come to me so overwhelmed by their parents behaviours, they literally want to walk away, but in their hearts all they want is a peaceful home, love, acceptance and the safety of becoming who they truly want to be without judgment or criticism.
I see parents who live through their children, putting pressure on them ( Think of those poor kids who do the beauty pageants ) It’s usually the Mom who is pushing.
This child can end up feeling they are not good enough because the parent is never truly satisfied and are always wanting more.
Also I see parents pretending they are perfect when in fact isn’t it kinder to show our kids it’s ok to fail, to take ourselves of the perfect parent pedestal and open up a real line of communication?
There is a basic need in all of us and it is the need to be accepted, appreciated, to be good enough approved of loved and to belong.
We are hard wired for these needs.
I will come back to this subject another time.
But for now just go with looking at how you give your children these basic physiological needs.
How do you show your kids, young or old that you are proud, what do you say and do so that they know?
How do you let them know they are unique and can become whatever they want to be, wether it suits you or not?
How do you go on teaching and inspiring your kids to see their talents and gifts and that not only are they ‘ good enough ’ but that they are a precious miracle and that you marvel at their spirit?
How do you support their mistakes and falls?
How do you show them how to get back up?
What will you do right now to show your children the most amazing, unexpected love you can imagine?
Here’s a note I wrote for my son’s who are 18 and 17 as I write. Maybe you can do one for your kids, whatever age they are?
To my precious son’s Dan and Joe
I cherish, adore and love you, don’t worry about being perfect, you need to make mistakes to learn how to get back up.
The world is full of excellent adventures if you are willing to open up your mind and be brave enough to take risks, I will be here for you always.
I believe in you completely.
You deserve the very best.
I value and accept you just as you are.
You are incredible.
You will always be a part of me.
I will love you forever and ever.
Do everything you can to create a wonderful life, you can always do more.
Life is precious and so are you, take care of your health, have as much fun as possible and be open to crazy, passionate, mad, love.
Work in a career that makes your heart sing and has real purpose.
Marry a girl who would go to the moon and back with you and you her.
Live in a mansion or live in a shack, make your home wherever you are.
Eat great food and drink delicious wine in moderation, eat celery every day.
Dance, sing, laugh and cry, be broken, fall over, get back up.
Make good money, give some away, help yourself and then others.
Go to Vegas, go to Fiji, travel…
Don’t make a small problem into a big drama, step away from drama queens and soul suckers.
Remember everyone has their story so be kind and patient.
Give your time freely to help others.
Give your money to help others.
Lead the way and look for others who know more of what you desire to lead you.
Sleep well, own pyjamas.
Brush your teeth well.
Read hundreds of books.
Feed your body and mind well.
Walk in nature every day.
Drink water with lemon every day.
Drink wine with dark chocolate.
A good attitude will help you along the way.
Don’t fear, fear, use it to empower you.
Learn how to fail, to fall and to arise stronger and wiser.
Give your ladies flowers.
Laugh every day, especially at yourself.
Have a pet or two, before you have a baby.
Have a baby, have two maybe after you are 28.
Sit on the beach and watch the sunrise at least once a year, climb a mountain and watch the sun set.
Do stuff that scares you every week.
Apologise when you make a mistake.
Learn how to make a mean roast dinner.
Breathe fully to your belly, breathe slowly, learn calm.
Open doors for ladies, close doors on fakers.
Your life is whatever you make it, you can be or do anything you set your mind too, even when you think you can’t, trust yourself and move forward with trembling courage.
Come and visit me, I will always need a hug and to see your beautiful smile, no matter what.
All of my love forever and ever Mum xo