Your unrealistic kindness and over helpfulness may result in unreliability & unhappiness.
If you find yourself running late, often stressed or simply overstretched, maybe you are being unrealistically kind or helpful to other people and neglecting yourself.
We seem to live in an age where people pleasing is such a life suck.
Worried about being judged, liked or even loved we often dive into an ocean of over giving untempered helpfulness, all driven by a desire to be significant, connected or loved.
The problem with this is it can cause horrible soul sucking stress. It can be depressing.
We become depleted as we give so much to others and nothing to ourselves.
We wonder why we bothered.
A first step to recovering from over giving is to witness yourself in action.
Be the observer of your thoughts and actions.
What are you doing for other people because you want them to like you or because you want to be seen as kind or helpful?
What is your need??
How is this working out for you?
Kindness begins with you being kind to you first.
Stop over people pleasing by learning your own needs and giving them to yourself first.
Here’s a little check in that I use in my coaching practice, go ahead and ask yourself the following questions, see how many you say YES to.
There is no right or wrong, this is a simple self enquiry form for you to notice where you may be dragging yourself down.
Are you proud of yourself?
Do you thank yourself?
Are you working on a worthwhile project?
Are you taking care of your health, mental, physical and spiritual?
Are you able to forgive and let go of negative situations easily?
Do you have an easy going sense of yourself?
Do you like and love yourself?
Can you say sorry easily?
Do you have a handful of great friends?
Do you take plenty of time off with your partner to relax?
Can you have a difficult conversation without becoming inflamed?
Do you spend time alone each day, fully present and switched off from technology?
Do you have a relaxation ritual?
Are you taking gentle daily exercise?
Do you eat whole, healthy foods daily?
Can you laugh at yourself easily?
Are you flexible with other peoples view points and different needs?
Do you seek help for your mental wellbeing?
Do you allow yourself to dream big?
Do you trust you are supported?
If you answered NO to any of the above, you can choose to work on yourself, get clear why not and then take charge of your own happiness.
Be Kind to yourself by being honest and taking responsibility for yourself. Remember this , it’s not my job to like YOU it’s YOURS.
I know it’s a challenge and I know you may choose to sweep these self care challenges under the carpet and carry on as you always have done. I also know the lightness of change, of owning my own peace and calmness.
Stop over planning, over thinking and over giving for the sake of others, because in truth it’s a need within you that only you can fill.
Please feel free to contact me of you would like any help with learning how to change your habits and mindset for a happier and more purposeful life.