Your unrealistic kindness and over helpfulness may result in a whole pile of unhappiness.
If you find yourself running late, often stressed or simply overstretched, maybe you are being unrealistically kind or helpful to other people. Maybe you are neglecting yourself.
We live in the age of people pleasing.
Worried about being judged, liked or even loved we often dive into an ocean of over giving. Perhaps, driven by a desire to be significant, connected or loved.
The problem with this is it will cause horrible soul sucking stress. It can feel like a shit pile of depression.
We become depleted when we give too much to others and nothing to ourselves.
We often wonder why we bothered.
A big step to recovering from over giving is to witness yourself in action.
Observe yourself like a wise owl.
What are you doing for other people because you want them to like you, or because you want to be seen as kind or helpful?
What is your need??
How is this working out for you?
Kindness begins with you being kind to you first.
Learn your own needs and giving them to yourself first.
Here’s a little check in that I use in my coaching practice, go ahead and ask yourself the following questions, see how many you say YES to.
There is no right or wrong, this is a simple self-enquiry for you to notice where you may be dragging yourself down.
Do you thank yourself?
Are you working on a worthwhile project?
Are you taking care of your health, mental, physical and spiritual?
Are you able to forgive and let go of negative situations easily?
Do you have an easy going sense of yourself?
Do you like and love yourself?
Can you say sorry easily?
Do you have a handful of great friends?
Do you take plenty of time off with your partner to relax?
Can you have a difficult conversation without becoming triggered?
Do you spend time alone each day, fully present and switched off from technology?
Do you have a relaxation ritual?
Are you taking gentle daily exercise?
Do you eat whole, healthy foods daily?
Can you laugh at yourself easily?
Are you flexible with other people’s view points and different needs?
Do you seek help for your mental wellbeing?
Do you allow yourself to dream big?
Do you trust you are supported?
If you answered NO to any of the above, you can choose to work on yourself, get clear why not and then take charge of your own happiness.
Be Kind to yourself by being honest and taking responsibility for yourself. Remember this, it’s not my job to like YOU it’s YOURS.
I know it’s a challenge and I know you may choose to sweep these self-care challenges under the carpet and carry on as you always have done. I also know the lightness of change, of owning my own peace and calmness.
Stop over planning, over thinking and over giving for the sake of others, because in truth it’s a need within you that only you can fill.
You don’t have to work on this by yourself.
Find a coach or therapist you can learn from and dive in.
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Love & Stardust